Who comes first, your spouse or your children? Your friends or your boss?

What’s more important? G-d, or other people?

Some of the time, there is no conflict and we can please both G-d and people. When we don’t steal, we please G-d, and we also please other people.

But what if there is a conflict? 
My friends want to spend time with me, but G-d wants me to go to shul. What should I do? 
My boss wants me to work today, but it is a Jewish holiday.

This is a challenge in all relationships, when one relationship is competing with the other. 

Especially when it comes to marriage…

If my wife wants to do one thing, but I want to do something else, I can choose to fulfill her wishes at the expense of mine. But what if her concerns conflict with G-ds?

My wife wants to go out to a certain restaurant, but it’s not kosher. My husband wants to go to a ball game, but it’s on Shabbos.

What comes first?

In this Torah portion of Naso, we read of a fascinating directive in the section about a Sotah (- a woman who is suspected of committing adultery). 

The woman was brought to the temple and was made to drink a potion that would determine her innocence or guilt. This potion consisted of special water. A Kohen would write on a scroll a text from the Torah that included G-ds name, and would dissolve this ink in the water. As the verse says: The priest shall write these oaths in a scroll, and he shall blot them out with the bitter water (Naso 5:23)

What’s surprising is that to erase the name of G-d is actually forbidden in the Torah. How can we do this now? 

The Talmud comments:  Great is peace! To make peace between husband and wife, the Torah instructs that the name of G‑d, written in holiness, should be blotted out in water. - Talmud, Chullin 141a

In order to bring a peaceful resolution to the relationship-shattering concern that the woman cheated on her husband, the Torah allows for G-ds name to be erased, which is usually a disgraceful act of disrespect to G-d.

Hashem loves peace. Especially between husband and wife. 

Shalom Bayis - peace in the home, is an important value to aspire to, and Hashem doesn’t want to be blamed for the arguments that might take place.

It is pointed out that the word for man in Hebrew is איש - ish, and the word for woman in Hebrew is אישה – isha. They each are made up of the word אש - aish - fire, plus the letter י  - yud and  ה - hei, which makes up G-d’s name. Hashem wants to be part of the fiery passion of a loving relationship between husband and wife, not the cause of fiery arguments between them.

Too many times, I have seen couples fighting over religious standards, when one spouse wants to do a certain mitzvah and the other one doesn’t, or wants to do it a different way. Hashem says he would rather his name be blotted out, if only there will be peace in the home. 

Of course one has to know what takes precedence over the other, and this Torah guidance can easily be abused. That is why it was done by the Kohen. An outside expert who is not emotionally involved and yet cares about you, is the best person to guide you as to when it is appropriate to "erase G-d’s name" for the sake of peace and when it is appropriate to stand firm.

Hashem wants to reside in peace, and Hashem wants us to reside in peace. Let’s not make G-d an excuse for the opposite.

May G-d bless his people with peace.

Wishing you a Shabbat shalom - a Shabbos of peace :) 

Rabbi Levi P